Christmas Wrap

Release Date: December 1st 2023 on all streaming and download services

Listen here and follow lyrics

Christmas is almost here, 
This is the tune you need to hear,
I’m the reincarnation of William Shakespeare,
I want all the Scrooges to disappear!
I don’t ever want to hear the words, ‘Bah Humbug’,
I’m looking for a nice lady for a Christmas hug,
And a kiss under some mistletoe to bring me good luck,
Please pukka up,
I’ve got the hots for her, she’s got the hots for me,
I’m thunderstruck,
The ancient Greeks have got it right;
Mistletoes an Aphrodisiac,
We have opposite signs in the Zodiac,
I can’t believe my luck, she’s a nymphomaniac!
I just need to keep Krampus at bay,
He wants to ruin my favourite day,
Christmas day,
Santa’s here and he’s on his sleigh,
He travels at 650 miles a second,
I’m hoping for a tangerine in my stocking,
Some chocolate and some new socks, 
Now we’re talking!
I’m feeling peckish,
I’m gonna eat some needles on my Christmas tree,
A great source of vitamin C,
On Christmas day; the Japanese eat at KFC,
Kentucky Fried Chicken,
So good its finger lickin!
But I’ll stick with my Turkey,
Now I’m feeling Perky,
The clock is going tick tock,
Santa’s picking the lock;
On my bedroom door,
I’m gonna get jelly beans in my stocking,
For sure,
Rudolf, I adore,
Who lights the way, 
With his red nose,
Krampus, I oppose,
In Sweden the public watches Donald Duck on Christmas eve,
How does Santa deliver all the presents on time;
It’s difficult to conceive,
I have an Ace of Spades up my sleeve,
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Nothing, it was on the house,
He’s tip-toeing as quiet as a mouse,
I live in a pent-house,
I want to send Krampus to the jail-house,
I’m looking at the world’s biggest Christmas tree,
Which was in Seattle at 221 feet tall,
In comparison, my Christmas tree looks miniscule,
The tallest tree was a Douglas fir,
A real authentic tree I prefer,
Am I the greatest ever rapper?
Yes Sir!










Chorus:

I love Christmas,
I love mince pies, They’re nutritious,
A kiss from my Missis is delicious,
She has Strawberry lip balm on,
And she turns me on,
I don’t ever want to hear the words, ‘Bah Humbug’,
All I need is a hug,
I was single, but now I’m in love!
X3


Verse 2

What’s the best Christmas present?
A broken drum, you can’t beat it!
I have a dry sense of wit,
I have to work on my new bike, with my toolkit,
I need 3 scoops of ice-cream with my banana-split,
Did you get a new puppy for Christmas?
My sausage dog is fearless,
Except for cats; sometimes they can be vicious,
In 1980 the highest selling Christmas toy was a Rubik’s Cube,
I’ve eaten too much food, now I can’t move!
In my stocking was also an inner-tube,
And some cycling gloves,
Which I need cos its cold,
My old rusty bike I just sold,
Jingle Bell’s was the first song ever played in space,
I have a puncture repair kit in my bag, just in case,
My partner; I love to embrace,
It feels like we are the only 2 in the human race,
Cos I’m besotted,
Our lucky star I just spotted,
It takes a lot of time to grow a Christmas tree;
15 years,
I have a glass of champagne in my hand; Cheers!
Now I will look forward to New Year’s,
How many sprouts can you eat in a minute?
The record is 31,
Its Christmas; let’s have some fun,
But I can only manage 7,
It’s Christmas; am I in heaven?
Worlds biggest Snowman was 113 feet tall,
I need to do some last-minute shopping in the mall,
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Ice Crispies,
Hold on, I’m about to sneeze,
The temperature is minus 3 degrees,
I just opened my front door,
What a fresh breeze!
Santa’s in the Chimney, it’s a tight Squeeze,
I can’t believe it’s a white Christmas,
When it comes to my rap career,
I’m very ambitious!


Chorus:

I love Christmas,
I love mince pies, They’re nutritious,
A kiss from my Missis is delicious,
She has Strawberry lip balm on,
And she turns me on,
I don’t ever want to hear the words, ‘Bah Humbug’,
All I need is a hug,
I was single, but now I’m in love!
X3